Who Are YOU Responsible For?

Quote:

“Though I am not always responsible for what happens to me,

I am responsible for how I handle what happens to me.”

~Zig Ziglar

Scripture:

Don’t compare yourself with others.  Just look at your own work to see if you have done anything to be proud of.  You must each accept the responsibilities that are yours.

~Galatians 6:4-5

Perspective:

Responsibility is defined as being accountable for your choices and actions; practicing self-control; finishing what you start; and doing your best at all you can humanly do.

As an adult, I always considered myself responsible…except when I read its definition.  If I’m being honest, I am only sometimes accountable for my choices and actions, other times I look to blame someone or something else or find an excuse as to why I did what I did.  I certainly don’t always practice self-control; I overeat when I’m eating something I love and sometimes I yell at my kids when I’m frustrated, to name a couple examples.  I don’t always finish what I start, which is easy to blame on my ADHD.  And at best, I usually do my very best but there are those times I don’t because I just don’t feel like giving it my all. 

Things happen to and around us every day all day.  We cannot control those things, however we CAN control HOW we react to those things.  We are 100% in charge of and responsible for all of our choices and actions, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.  Our choices in all areas of our life, are completely our responsibility.  It is truly empowering to look at life through this lens!  You will never be perfect, but you must be accountable for your behavior and you should make every effort to grow as a person, to become more Christ-like each day.  God does not expect us to be perfect, but He does expect us to be accountable.  If you make a mistake, especially if you know you have done wrong, He expects you to repent and make an intentional effort to learn from and then not make that same mistake over and over again.  James 4:17 says, “So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”

Since the beginning of humanity, man has tried to either blame his behavior on others or make an excuse for his behavior.  Adam blamed Eve and Cain blamed Abel for their own sinful choices and our behavior has continued in the same manner ever since.  Think how hard it is for you, and the people around you, to simply say, “Yes, I did that, it was wrong, and I’m sorry.  I will do my best not to do that again.”  Most people become defensive and look for a way to avoid responsibility.  In doing so, there is no room for personal growth and change.  This can easily keep us stuck in difficult circumstances and in challenging relationships, with no obvious way to make things better.

The more a behavior is part of our nature, the harder it is to change.  I grew up with an angry alcoholic father and had undiagnosed ADHD, boundaries were rare in my home of origin, so I am more reactive and what I’ll call “passionate” than many.  At times, usually under stress, it is a struggle not to revert to those ingrained, unhealthy behaviors.  At those times, God is the only one I can rely on for help, for His power to be made perfect in my weakness.  Much of what we need to stop or start doing is just not easy on our own; it may even feel impossible.  In Romans 7:19 Paul said, “I want to do what is good, but I don’t.  I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway.”  The Apostle Paul who spread Christianity once Jesus died and rose into Heaven struggled with doing what is right!  Adam and Eve faced the same struggles.  They had a large variety of trees, as far as their eyes could see, but which one were they tempted by and wanted to try, the ONE they were told not to touch.  God was not as pleased with Cain’s offering, as he was with Abel’s, but instead of Cain asking himself, or God if necessary, how he could make his offering acceptable and pleasing to God, he killed his brother out of jealousy.

As difficult as it is, we must be willing to honestly assess our self, taking responsibility for and working on our mistakes and weaknesses.  Without doing so, how can you grow beyond where you are right now?  It doesn’t matter what others choose to do, but how you act does matter to your overall life and to your afterlife as you stand before God to be judged.  He will not care why you did what you did, but only that you worked to do your best and when you didn’t succeed, that you chose to lean on Him for help and repent or make amends where necessary.

I have combined the 12-steps from well-known recovery programs into 9-steps that can guide us in overcoming our struggle to take true responsibility for our actions and then make changes where needed in everyday life:

• Admit you are powerless, but that God is not.
• Make a decision to surrender to and trust in God.
• Take a fearless moral inventory of yourself.
• Repent to God and to whomever you have hurt, admitting the specific nature of your wrongdoings.
• Humbly ask God to do the work you can’t, to remove your defects of character and your shortcomings.
• Make amends, in person when possible.
• Continue to take a personal inventory and promptly admit when you are wrong.
• Seek to improve your relationship with God through prayer and meditation, praying for knowledge of His will and the power to carry that out.
• Make the effort to practice these principles in all areas of your life.

When you really think about it, it is so very hard to change our self isn’t it?  Yet think how much energy we put toward trying to change others, a responsibility only they can choose to take and often only with the help of Christ will they succeed.  I have spent years trying to change my over-reactions but I know in my heart that I am not capable of doing so consistently without the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in me.  Each day is new, and He only provides for us one day at a time, so we must ask Him each day for His strength where we are weak.

Life Applications:

>Go to the Foundation tab at the top of my home page.  Then scroll down to strengths, weaknesses, and values.  Take the time to do a thoughtful, honest assessment of your strengths, weaknesses, and values; do your best to choose according to reality not how you would like to see yourself.  Remember, you are only able to grow from, through, and past what you are willing to admit!

>>What can you do to make better use of your strengths and change your most hampering weaknesses into strengths, that will help not hinder you as you learn, grow, and change through life?

>>>When unpleasant things happen, pause and ask yourself if there was anything you could have done differently to avoid the negative outcome?  Mistakes are rich opportunities to learn and grow, don’t miss out on them by denying your weaknesses and shortcomings. 

**Avoid JADE, an Al-anon acronym that stands for justify, argue, defend, and explain!  Instead, seek to take responsibility for whatever your part is and work to make the situation better!