Forgiveness Sets You Free!

 “Look back in forgiveness, forward in hope,

down in compassion, and up with gratitude.”

~Zig Ziglar

Scripture:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

~Ephesians 4:32

Perspective:

In a world filled with tragedy, sin, and brokenness, it is impossible to escape without being hurt.  If you think back on the hurt you have endured in your life, most likely the majority of it comes from other people.  Unfortunately, the much-needed sincere apology is difficult to come by, often due to pride.  That fact leaves us with a great deal of unresolved pain to deal with on our own in one of many ways.  Some people let it make them bitter and even resentful, not only toward their offenders but also toward people in general, others learn to forgive for their own spiritual, mental, and emotional health, and then there is that huge grey area in between the two.

If we choose to carry our pain and resentment with us through life, it only hurts us!  We let it take up space in our mind and heart while the other person goes on with life, with no concern as to the wound we carry with us day in and day out.  Looking back on my life, there are certainly people I could refuse to forgive, some of whom I should have been able to trust to love and care for me, yet I couldn’t.  How will any degree of bitterness and hatred help me?  Will it make the other person feel remorse?  No!  Will it resolve the offence or change the past?  No!  Will it help me be a better person and a light to others throughout my life?  No!  Will it make me a better wife and mom?  No and no!  What it will do is fester and pollute my heart and mind with destructive feelings which God warns against carrying around with us.

My father put my mom, my siblings, and I through a great deal of heartache.  I know my family has struggled with their bad feelings toward him before and since his death in 1983.  I was able to work through my negative feelings by choice and through intentional effort.  I know his childhood was filled with anguish and suffering after losing his mom at age nine, something that later snowballed into a self-created sad and painful life he expressed through anger and medicated with alcohol; he let his pain from the past negatively affect his life and thus the lives of his family, as well.  I could have held on to my anger, which would have hung over me like a black cloud throughout my life causing me continued pain, much like ripping a scab off repeatedly, or I had the option to choose as I did, to choose to have empathy, forgive him, and let my hurt go.  Sadly, when my oldest brother died of cancer in 2011 at age 59, he was still very angry, even though he considered himself a devote Christian.  Dwelling on his hurt did nothing positive for his life, his relationships, or for his relationship with God that he so treasured.  Forgiveness does not change your past or the offense, but it does release you from the bondage of the offense, it changes your soul and your future!

Anyone can be good to people who are good to them!  The real test of our faith, trust, and desire to be obedient to God grows out of our discomfort zone and from making the difficult choice to forgive those who have hurt us.  To do so, we must use self-discipline and choose to do what God asks us to, not because we feel  like it, but because we trust Him to know best and we want to grow in His image.  Like anything you practice, the more you do it, the easier it becomes.  If you are serious about being a Christ-follower and being the light on this dark and stormy planet, then you must do the right things because that is what God asks of us in order to become more like Him, not because you feel  like it.  He sees the big picture; we only see what is right in front of us. 

Imagine a giant quilt, one that reaches far beyond where you can see.  God has put you in charge of creating one square for His quilt, the very best square (or self) you can create, and all you can really see is your square and the squares that surround you.  Yet, we tend to be quick to disagree with Him about the details of our square, as if we know exactly what His far-reaching quilt will look like when it is done.  Who do you trust more, yourself with your limited view and knowledge or the all-knowing God who created you and is working all things, both good and bad, for your ultimate good, as well as His glory?  If God is your answer, then I suggest you start retraining your brain by asking, “what would Jesus do,” throughout each day.  Our feelings are deceptive and change quickly, they are a dangerous place to put our faith.  God’s commandments may cause initial discomfort as they prompt us to stretch out of our comfort zone, but they are all based on love and goodness, and they result in the best version of us!

Life Application:

>First, create a list of the people you have hurt through your words or actions.  If you struggle with this, ask God to show you whom you have hurt and then be still and listen for Him to reveal the answer to you.  If you have repented, God has forgiven you for your sins and even wiped your slate clean, something we struggle to do with each other.  Even though God forgives us, sometimes it is most difficult to forgive ourselves.  As with anything you want to achieve, don’t give up!  Work to forgive your mistakes but don’t stop there, learn from your mistakes and work hard not to repeat them.  Is there something you can do for those you have hurt?  If not, do something kind for someone in need. 

Then, create a list of all the people who have hurt you in substantial ways.  Have you set yourself free and forgiven them, with or without an apology?  If not, how has your ongoing hurt and resentment affected your life?  You must work to forgive in the same way that you want to be forgiven for your sinful ways.  When Jesus instructed us how to pray with the Lord’s Prayer, He said, “forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who have sinned against us.”  How would God forgive you if it were based on how you forgive others, including yourself?