CHAINs…

“Chains of habit are too light to be felt

until they are too heavy to be broken.”

~Warren Buffet

Pastor Steven Furtick talked about the chains that keep us stuck in one of his sermons.  I am going to share his acronym, CHAIN, with you and break it down as it relates to us being empowered by our choices, in order to create new, positive habits that will lead us toward, not away from, our life goals.

Choice

Habit

Automatic

Identity

Nature

We have freewill, and because of that we make hundreds of choices every day from the moment we open our eyes, so many without even giving thought to the fact that they are in fact choices.  Each one, regardless how small affects the flow of our life.  Do I press snooze one more time or get up?  Do I work out or sleep in?  What should I wear, should I bring a sweater in case I get cold?  Should I eat breakfast, if so what?  Do I bring lunch or wing it?  Do I leave exactly on time or squeeze in that extra task, risking being late?  Do I drive a reasonable speed or go a little faster than I know I should?  Do I light that cigarette or quit like I said I would for my health?  The decisions continue all day long at home, at your place of work, or wherever else you go.  Do I have one more drink before driving home?  Do I yell at my kids or do I find alternatives?  Do I gossip or walk away?  Do I complain, or do I try to find the good in my environment or situation and work to make it even better?  Do I end my relationship or keep trying?  Do I make healthy food choices from the menu or end up waiting until tomorrow to do so…again (tomorrow never comes!)?  Do I make a list and begin to accomplish my daily goals or continue to try and work from memory, often forgetting to do what I need to?  So many choices and this is just the tip of the iceberg!  As I have said, we do not have complete control over our lives, we can’t control what happens around or to us and we certainly cannot control other people; however, we do have control over our choices and over how we respond to what happens to us.

“We are solely responsible for our choices, and we have to accept the

consequences of every deed, word, and thought throughout our lifetime.”

~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

It is said that it takes 28 days to create a habit.  What we choose to do repeatedly is extremely important to our life because it becomes a habit; it is a choice that we make over and over, often without even thinking about it until it becomes automatic.  A habit feels hard to break, so, because of that uncomfortable feeling, it is easy to put off changing that habit until tomorrow!  Our habit could be procrastination, overspending, smoking, drinking a little too much, gambling more than we have to spare, gossiping, a bad temper and/or overreacting, overeating and bad food choices, dishonesty, disregard for others’ rights, and the list goes on.  Eventually our repeated choice, that seems to come automatically, is simply part of our identity, defined as the distinguishing character or personality of an individual.  And, before we know it, it is part of all we think, feel, and do, it is a part of our nature.  Human nature is defined as a bundle of fundamental characteristics-including ways of thinking, feeling, and acting-which humans tend to have naturally.

But take heed: no matter how far we are into any bad habit, even if it feels like a chain keeping us stuck, we have choices!  At any point we can choose to make different choices than the ones we are currently making.  I am not trying to minimize the difficulty in doing so (which is the problem with creating habits that are hurting rather than helping us in the first place!), but rather empower you with the knowledge that you are in fact in control of each and every choice you make, AND like it or not, that each of us is a product of our choices.  Can they be hard to change?  YES!  But does that mean we should not change them, that we shouldn’t consistently work to align our choices with our goals and values?  NO!  One thing we can be certain of, is that we (and life) will never be perfect, but we can plan our work and work our plan to ensure that we (& life) are better today than we were yesterday, that we are working and progressing in the right direction.

“We are the creative force of our life, and through our

own decisions rather than our conditions, if we carefully

learn to do certain things, we can accomplish those goals.”

~Stephen Covey

Small changes every day will enable us to get our life on the path toward our goals…it’s as simple and as difficult as that!  To change anything, we must first be aware of it, willing to admit it, and then take responsibility for it.  I have been trying to see the power, great or small, in all the choices I make every day for a long time and I can truly see the impact it is having on my every day and my overall life.  One step at a time gets you to the top of the staircase vs. sitting at the bottom of the staircase in denial, fear, or frustration and never making it past the first floor, thus adding to your misery.  Time will pass whether we are working to be better and have a better life, or not.  Think about it this way, a way in which many of us can relate to…when we think about eating healthy and losing weight, regardless how little or how much, it seems like it will take forever and so we repeatedly delay it.  If only we could go back in time and just do it, or have done it, that time has passed, and “it” would already be done and behind us.  The longer we postpone something we know we need to or should do, the longer it will take to reach that goal.

Start being intentional in all the choices you make and mindful of your goals when doing so, no matter how insignificant each choice seems in the moment. Take time to really reflect on how you want to live this life you have been given, again this is not a practice run, this is it!  As I have said, writing things down gives you focus and clarity, it takes a thought and makes it concrete instead of abstract.  Anything worth having is worth planning and working for.  Think of the time and energy we put into being unhappy and complaining about what is not right in our lives.  Just imagine if we used that same time and energy to make positive changes?  Imagine where we could be in a month’s time…

“The truth is, you don’t break a bad habit, you replace it with a good one.”

~Denis Waitley

Change is a process.  Begin by trying to catch yourself before you make a choice; this will take time, but remember, that time will pass either way so stay committed.  You will probably start by remembering after you have made the choice, but don’t give up, eventually your mindfulness will catch up with your actions.  Be patient with yourself, change does not happen overnight…you did not get where you are now overnight, and you won’t change where you are overnight.   Next, work on pausing before you make a choice.  Does the choice you are making align with your goals and values?  Making a choice based on a mere feeling will only give you temporary satisfaction and may very well result in regret. 

Once you achieve the ability to pause and think before choosing, you have the power to make the right choices in the moment, the ones that will begin to take you down the path you want to walk in life, toward your goals, both daily and lifelong.  AND, you will have made a positive change by remembering to think before choosing.  Making a choice for the right reasons will give you a sense of satisfaction and motivate you to keep working toward that goal!

“Successful people aren’t born that way.  They become successful by

establishing the habit of doing things unsuccessful people don’t like to do.”

~William Makepeace Thackeray

Life Applications: 

Now get your journal out and give some thought to these questions…

>The good habits I practice consistently are…

>>The bad habits I practice regularly/enough to have an unwanted impact on my life are…

>>>Put a star next to the habit you want to change, one that will have an immediate positive impact on a weaker area of your life.  Decide what you will replace it with.

Here are some examples:

• Overeating can be replaced with a walk or other form of exercise.
• Smoking can be replaced with exercise or nicotine gum designed to help you quit.
• Gossip can be replaced with looking for the good in everyone and then giving a compliment instead.
• Partying can be replaced with a hobby you are passionate about or self-growth that will benefit your life overall.

The bad habit I will work to change first is…

In the life area:

I will replace it with these good habits…

*Celebrate each accomplishment.  Every step closer to any goal is a step in the right direction and a victory!

**Be consistent!  Change comes from what we repeatedly do, even when we don’t feel like doing it.  In time, our small efforts add up.

***Practice self-denial. 

>>>>Practice self-denial for the next week.  Just because you want the ice cream does not mean you should have the ice cream in that moment.  And just because you want to stay up late does not mean you should on that night.  It is ok, no it is good, to tell yourself NO when that is what you should or need to hear!  You must hold yourself accountable for what you should do most of the time.  Write down what you denied yourself over the next seven days and the positive reason why…

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