Acceptance…

“Things turn out best for people who
make the best of the way things turn out.
~John Wooden

Scripture:

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us,
who can be against us?
~Romans 8:31

Perspective:

Psychology defines acceptance as “a person’s consent to the reality of a situation, recognizing a process or condition (often a negative or uncomfortable situation) without attempting to change or protest it.” I believe this transition can and does take place even after we attempt to change or protest something; often that is actually part of the acceptance process, just look at the stages of grief, acceptance is last. There is a solution to every problem but sometimes that solution is acceptance, or a change in our own perspective; some things we simply cannot change no matter how badly we want or try to create change. Just under half of our Country is feeling frustrated after a tight and quite divided election. I felt this helpless feeling when my mom was no longer tolerating dialysis in 2011 and then died shortly after. I felt this angst after our 2016 financial crisis, but no matter how much I cried, got mad, and dug my heels in, we were forced to sell our home and basically start over. And I am experiencing that currently with my adult son. I do not agree with everything he does and chooses, or even how he acts toward his family, but I no longer have “control” over his life, he now has that control and must learn the lessons the consequences of his choices will inevitably teach him. Sometimes things are out of our control and our only option becomes acceptance or the alternative: some version of anger, sadness, and/or anxiety.

As Believers, I have faith that we have an advantage when it comes to acceptance, we have God who is always, always in control. The question is do you truly trust God? Do you trust that He has a plan and is in control, even when things feel completely out of control? Are you willing to surrender to Him, let go of your false grip, and just trust Him to do what you cannot? We must first be willing to admit that we only control our own actions and response to what goes on around us, others control themselves, and God has everything else in His control, even if it does not feel like it. We have freewill so we have no control over what others say or do, even if we believe (or in fact do) know better. That can be frustrating but is a fact that must be accepted for us to have peace despite what the world throws at us daily! If you tend to worry, feel anxiety, or continue to crave and fight for control on a regular basis, you very well may not truly trust God. But overhearing what they said, Jesus said to the ruler of the synagogue, “Do not fear, only believe” (Mark 5:36).

How do we move from a place of anger, sadness, fear, and frustration into acceptance? Read on…

First, pray! Go to God before anyone else and before you wallow in negativity! Ask Him specifically to help you surrender to His will and to accept what is, ask Him to give you peace and the courage to persist. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and you do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions (James 4:2-3).

Then, you must acknowledge a difficult situation, one that is out of your control. Sweeping anything under the carpet causes it to grow until it roars its ugly head and must be dealt with. At that point, it does not always happen in the best, most effective, or beneficial way. This can cause added pain in addition to regret.

Separate what you have control over and what you do not, no matter how much you want to! If you write things out and make lists it gives you focus and clarity. Intentionally put aside what you do NOT control.

Brainstorm possible solutions for what you do have control over, first alone and then maybe with a trusted loved one or friend who can help you see things from a different perspective. When doing so, no idea is too silly, the point is to get as many possibilities on paper as possible, you will sort through, analyze, and prioritize them later.

Consider and work to develop potential coping skills. How do you deal with difficult situations? What has worked and what has not? Again, make lists! Over time you want to develop a “toolbox” of coping and life skills that will help you live your best life. Keep in mind that it is a process to build strong and effective tools you can go to and count on under any circumstance, especially if like me, you did not learn many growing up.

Put your ideas and plan into action. Change what you can, be resilient! There is no point in letting a bad day or situation keep you down. Look back at all you have survived in the past, even when you felt like you would not. If you get fired, use your anger, hurt, and frustration to regroup. Learn from the experience by identifying what you could have done differently and begin looking for another job. Here self-efficacy is important, work to adopt an “I CAN do it” attitude, even if you barely believe it at first. If someone you love dies, always allow yourself time to mourn but do accept that you cannot bring them back, then begin to live your best life in honor of that person’s memory.

Remember that both change and acceptance are a process. They happen over time, one step at a time. Commit to being persistently patient as you continue to make effort in the direction of your best self and life.

Time spent in negativity is time wasted, it simply does no good! We cannot change anyone else or our past. Wishing things were different will NOT do a bit of good. In fact, it will distract you from and postpone your ability to change what you can, even if that is only your attitude about what is! Time is a precious commodity we can never get back once it is gone and it moves quickly.

Look for the good in any and every situation! Sometimes that is merely a tough lesson but do not waste that lesson and then repeat harmful or hurtful mistakes only to be harmed or hurt again and again.

Life Applications:

> Question and really give thought to your level of trust in God’s plan for your life. Examine how you handle the difficulties in your life. What is the evidence that you completely and wholeheartedly trust Him versus the evidence that you think or say you do but do not act like you do?

>> Consider all you DO have control over in your life and how you choose to use those things, barring the limitations we all have that are out of our control:

How much time you spend with Jesus and those you treasure most
your mindset-do you have a growth mindset?
your self-talk
the choices you make
the boundaries you set and stick to
how you allow others to treat you
your schedule-are your priorities arranged first?
your character-honesty, reliability, loyalty, etc.
your breath-especially when you are feeling stressed or anxious
your level of gratitude and appreciation
your degree of fitness
your diet-what and how you choose to eat
your sleep habits
your social life
your work ethic
what you view and listen to
how you treat others
your attitude-a little thing that makes a big difference
how often you smile
your random acts of kindness
your level of preparedness for today and for your future
your words and body language
whether or not you learn, grow, and change
who you befriend, date and marry
what you do in your spare time
what you let pride dictate in your life
whether you gossip
whether you treat all people as equals
what you do with your feelings
saying “please” and “thank you”
saying “I’m sorry” and “I accept your apology”
how long you hold onto anger
whether or not you show others grace
how well you listen or wait your turn when others are talking
how much time you spend on electronics
whether or not you have realistic expectations of others
if you push yourself to be better than you were yesterday
whether you dwell on negative thoughts or let them go
how much time you spend living in the past
when and how long you choose to engage in negative conversations
how you respond to the world around you
how much time you spend worrying
whether or not you communicate your feelings
what books you read or listen to, if any
whether or not you listen to your instincts
how helpful you are toward others
how thoughtful you are toward others
if and when you ask for help
when you say, “No”
how you view and handle your mistakes
whether or not your follow through with your ideas and intentions
how much information you get before making a decision
how much information you share with others
what bad habits you develop and stick with
how judgmental you are of others
how present you are in any given moment
what you do with others’ criticism of you
whether or not and how quickly you get back up when you fall
what you focus on
who you trust

…And I’m sure this is not an exhaustive list! Controlling YOU is more than enough work, the only thing you really can control, and the only thing that will really change your world.

>>> Sometimes we all need the serenity prayer!

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Acceptance…

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Noelle Picozzi