Guilt vs. Shame

The beauty of life is while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.

~Author Unknown

Scripture:

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in

Jesus Christ.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in

Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death.  For God has done

what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do.  By sending

his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he

condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous

requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not

according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

~Romans 8:1-4

Perspective:

Guilt is defined as both a feeling of remorse and a state of responsibility for some offense or wrongdoing. 

Shame is defined as a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the perception of wrong or foolish behavior.

Conviction is a belief we have about our wrong behaviors that leads us closer to God and so towards life.  It means those wrong behaviors have been identified and revealed to us, in love, through the Holy Spirit, it is a healthy awareness, without condemnation, for believers.  Because God loves his children, He disciplines, or corrects, our hurtful behaviors.  Nevertheless, I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you.  But if I go, I will send him to you.  And when he comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgement (John 16:7-8).

Condemnation is being sentenced to judgement for a sin, it is punishment and comes from satan, often through our self or even the opinions of others.  It leads us farther from God and thus towards death.  God sent his Son to receive our condemnation because He loves us, in doing so God redeemed those who believe.  For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him (John 2:17).

Guilt and shame first entered the world when Eve and then Adam were tempted by the serpent (satan) and ate the forbidden fruit.  Guilt is usually tied to an event, the feeling that you did something bad, where shame is tied to one’s identity, the feeling that you are bad, leading to hiding and embarrassment.  Adam and Eve initially felt guilt for doing the one thing that God instructed them not to do, as they should have, but it quickly turned to shame when God entered the garden and called out to them, causing them to cover their naked bodies and hide from Him.  And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden (Genesis 3:7-8).  Guilt is contained to the individual, shame is sometimes shared by those who have been affected by the individual’s bad behavior, it can rapidly lessen one’s feelings of self-worth.  Guilt is the feeling or awareness we have after a wrongdoing; shame is the emotional shackle we struggle to free our self from.

The Bible says guilt can be healthy, it exists to convict us, to lead us to repentance and thus motivates us toward growth and change, toward being more Christ-like.  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).  An awareness of how our sins make others see us or how they impact others is a good thing.  We are neither an island nor live in a bubble and so our sin does impact others.  To manage our guilt, or that feeling of being convicted by the Holy Spirit, we must acknowledge our wrongdoing, repent, and seek forgiveness, we must strive to make things right.  Guilt is a natural consequence for sinful behavior.  It should cause us to grieve over our sin so that we seek God’s forgiving and restoring grace and have a desire to behave in more godly ways.  Guilt is a gift, not a punishment.  It is meant to help the believer who responds to it well.

Shame in contrast, is unhealthy guilt, it is ongoing and condemns us, it is a form of self-punishment since it is related to how we feel about our self.  Shame causes us to hide rather than to confess and grow.  To get past shame, we must be courageous, vulnerable, and honest, and then let doing so change our heart.  Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy (Proverbs 28:13).  One crucial thing to remember is that no one is beyond hope, no mistake or bad behavior is one that God will not forgive, and then wipe our slate clear once we acknowledge our sin and repent.  In doing so, we are saying that we will work to not repeat that wrongdoing and if we do, we will repent again.  I previously read something appropriate here: “believers should be professional repenters, since the Lord is continually refining us and tugging on our hearts.”

Jesus died on the cross for our sins, to save believers from condemnation; the Bible calls His sacrificial act justification for mankind’s sins and when we give our life to Christ, our salvation is immediate.  Therefore, since we have now been justified by His blood, we will be saved from the wrath of God through Him (Romans 5:9).  Sanctification is the lifelong process following our salvation, one of learning to apply the gospel to our life; it is not a smooth road, it has many ups and downs, potholes and rough patches, tricky curves, a variety of conditions, and unforeseen hazards we must navigate.  We must now find our identity in Christ, not in the shame of our sins.  We must remind ourselves that we are a new creation, that we are deeply loved by our Creator, and that we are forgiven simply for the asking; He sees our heart, not our sins. 

Grace, the love and favor, freely given to us by God, says Jesus has already done the work that we cannot do to be forgiven for our sin nature, that He alone is our salvation and our hope.  For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).  The first step toward being forgiven and ultimately toward change is admitting our wrongdoing.  Conviction causes us to grow closer to God…by being aware of how undeserving we are, we can feel grateful toward our Savior for loving, accepting, and forgiving us anyway.  Conviction will allow us to become more Christ-like over time.  Condemnation, on the other hand, leaves us feeling hopeless and worthless, not the positive changes that God seeks to bring about through conviction from the Holy Spirit.  It leads us away from God because of feelings of being unworthy and unlovable which is not what God desires for His loved ones.

 Life Applications:

>Start by praying daily for God to examine your heart and convict you of the sinful thoughts and behaviors that you have not been able to see clearly or completely, or maybe have had trouble admitting and repenting for.  Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts!  And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting (Psalm 139:23-24)!

>>With open eyes, ears, a heart and mind, listen for and then keep track of the things you are convicted of through your regular prayers and pleads to God.  Create a list, pray on them, and then begin to work on them one at a time.  Remember, change takes consistent, persistent, and intentional effort over time.  Your efforts will bring recognizable results in time if you just keep putting in the work and do not give up!  Do not rely on the ebb and flow of your feelings or motivation to keep you going, but rather on your goals.

If you and I can’t think of the last time we were wrong,

something is really wrong.  We’re losing our grip of reality.

~Beth Moore