What Do YOU Bring to Each of Your Relationships?

Because of you, I laugh a little harder,

cry a little less, and smile a lot more.

~Author Unknown

Perspective:

Relationships are an integral part of living a happy, fulfilling life.  No one is meant to be alone all the time, in fact loneliness is an epidemic across all ages in society today, causing numerous mental and physical problems.  We all have relationships that we would say are going well, others that are more troubled than we would like, and then some in between, we may even be hanging on to a toxic relationship, maybe we do not even know why.  And I am sure we can all name at least one thing “the other person” in most of our relationships can and should do to improve it.  With most things in life, it is easier to see what others are doing wrong as we look upon their actions from the outside.  What we do and say each day feels “normal” to us, we know we have good intentions and so we tend to judge ourselves based on those.  Objectivity is difficult but essential.  You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:5). 

One thing is certain: we bring some portion of what it takes to create the state of any relationship we are part of, meaning we have some responsibility for the condition of any and all relationships we are in.  It is easy to blame another when things are not going the way we had planned or hoped they would, but it is most beneficial for us and to our relationships to consider carefully and honestly what we bring to each of our relationships.  If everyone took accountability for their choices, actions, and words, think how much healthier and more functional each of our relationships would be.  So, take a few minutes to ask yourself what you DO in each of your relationships to make it the best that it can be, or not, including your relationship with your Creator?  Do not worry about what the other person is doing, remember we are only able to control our self, THAT is where both our responsibility and our power lies!  Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them.  Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.  Live in harmony with one another.  Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly.  Never be wise in your own sight.  Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.  If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peacefully with all (Romans 12:14-18).

Everyone has a past, a family of origin and experiences, both good and bad, that helped them develop into who they are now, the choices they make, and the actions they take both consciously and subconsciously.  What we believe is “right” stems from years of what we practiced growing up and then how we accepted or rejected those lessons and standards once we reached adulthood.  As an adult, the responsibility for both the positives and negatives in our life lies within each of us; we can choose to blame our past or others, but it will bring us nothing but misery.   Do you seek to understand (even your own self) before you seek to be understood?  Often, we listen to respond, to “correct” or to get our own point across, not to truly hear what the other person is feeling and why they are saying what they are.  To do so is a skill that requires intentional effort on our part, so if you are not intentionally listening to understand then you probably are not doing so.  A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion (Proverbs 18:2).

No one who has ever or is currently walking this earth is perfect, except Jesus.  We must continually ask our self what we can DO to be our best self right now, with whatever resources we have.  Only then can we bring our best self to all our relationships.  If you are striving to be the best version of yourself and thus live your best life, it involves learning, growing, and changing each day and over time, it takes consistent intentional effort, like anything worth having, it takes work!  For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgement, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned (Romans 12:3).  So again, I ask, what do YOU bring to each of your relationships, including your relationship with Christ and with yourself?  What part do you play in the condition of each of your relationships, whether good, bad, or somewhere in between?  What do you DO when things get difficult?  We can all be kind and pleasant when things are easy and good, but what about when they are not?

Here are some basics that help to create a healthy relationship:

• Communication and honesty
• Shared values and interests
• Kindness and respect
• Reliability and support in good times and in bad
• Acceptance, for no person or relationship is perfect
• The ability to actively listen and show compassion
• Encouragement
• Equal effort
• Apologies and forgiveness
• Loyalty and trustworthiness
• And even a bit of constructive confrontation when needed

God did not instruct us to be right, but rather to be loving.  Is winning an argument or getting your point across more important than having peace and stability in your relationships?  When it is necessary, think about how you will do so to get the consequence you desire, always while remembering we can only control our self.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you (Ephesians 4:32).  It is easy to be offended, especially in this day and age, seek it and you will find it, but it does absolutely nothing to benefit your life.    Instead seek to be a light in this often-dark world.  Demonstrate God’s love through all you do and say, build others up.  Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).  As Christians we are called to grow in Christ’s image, that is the long and challenging sanctification process that follows accepting the Lord as our Savior, that process results in a change of heart, and from that springs a change in our thinking and actions.  Trials are meant to cause us to lean on God for strength and to grow more Christ-like from learning the lesson attached to each test.  Think about all God has done for us, whether we deserved it or not, and then go forth and do for others in that same way.  Look for love, goodness, and blessings and you will find them!  Choose to be one who spreads love and goodness to the world around you each day, to each person you encounter. 

Being offended is inevitable.  Living offended is a choice.

~Craig Groeschel

Life Applications:

>Today, ask yourself if there is something more you could be doing to create better relationships and if there is something you could stop doing, something you believe or have been told is harming a relationship(s) you value.  Then, seek ways and take action to begin or end those behaviors!

>>Examine each of your relationships and pick one thing you could do today to improve your relationships, then do so.  Ask yourself that same question again tomorrow and the next day.  It may not be the ideal, but we can improve our relationships by ourselves.  And our good behavior may very well be contagious!  Put your focus on what is in fact changeable, on what YOU CAN DO.

>>>Begin each day with this mindset, “for today” I am going to listen to understand.  Then, make a conscious and intentional effort to do so!  Show others grace as you seek to hear their message rather than their exact words or tone.  If you realize you forgot to do so, begin again as soon as you remember, but also consider what you can DO so you do not forget; actions far outweigh intentions.  Changing our self and creating new habits will take effort on our part but can be done over time if we persist!