The Case for Empathy…

Quote:

“Opinion is really the lowest form of human knowledge.  It requires no accountability, no understanding.  The highest form of knowledge is empathy, it requires us to suspend our egos and live in another’s world.  It requires profound purpose larger than the self kind of understanding.”

~Bill Bullard

Scripture:

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.

~1 Corinthians 12:26

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

~Romans 12:15

Perspective:

Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, to walk in their shoes.  Compassion is defined as feeling for another, it is an emotion we feel when others are in need, which motivates us to help them.  Sympathy is the feeling of sorrow for those in need.  Although these words are related, they are all different, much like siblings.

My father lost his mom in 1933 when he was nine years old, as she was giving birth to his younger brother.  His father continued to travel for work and shipped each of the three kids off to live with different relatives.  My father was forced to live with an aunt who owned a brothel in Montreal, certainly no place for a young boy!  When he was 13, his father remarried.  By that time my dad was a wild child filled with God only knows what negative emotions.  It was difficult for his new stepmom to get close to him and give him love like she could and did with his two younger siblings.  He ended up dropping out of high school and joining the United States Air Force.  He met my mom while stationed in West Germany; they later married and had five children.  My father never learned to deal with his feelings and turned to alcohol in order to bury them.  He led a turbulent life until he died of lung cancer in 1983 at age 58.

Of course, his stormy life negatively affected his own family; no one within my family escaped his wrath.  I was blessed that at a very young age I felt God’s presence in my life and at 16 chose to begin counseling in an effort to be different than the extreme dysfunction I grew up with.  Through God’s grace, I am able to feel empathy toward my dad today, despite how he behaved toward me, my mom, and my four older siblings; that however is something my family struggles with to this day.   I don’t just look at how he behaved and how it affected my life, which would be very easy to do, since I still struggle with some of the negative effects of his behavior on my life to this day.  Rather, I think of that heartbroken nine-year-old little boy losing his momma and then being turned over to an aunt who clearly had her own issues and should not have been caring for a young boy.  My dad was definitely at a disadvantage from a young age, in a very different world than the one we live in today.  In 1933, no one was thinking counseling would be a good option for my heartbroken father.

As we look around this broken world we live in, it would be simple to feel anger and resentment toward those doing the worst behaviors to others, especially if they have personally affected our lives.  However, that anger and resentment will do us no good, it will neither solve our own hurt or the brokenness in the world.  In order to help create something better, whether it be a better world, a better relationship, or anything in between, we must seek to understand “why” people act the way they do, to put ourselves in their shoes.  Doing so does NOT justify another’s bad behavior, and bad behavior comes with natural consequences, but it may empower us to help make our world a better place or give us a sense of peace in knowing the injustice had nothing to do with us personally.  Sometimes just showing another empathy, letting them know they are not alone, allows all involved to have a new perspective over an existing situation. 

I see a difference in my marriage when my husband and I are seeking to understand each other’s behavior and choices, as opposed to when we are each focused solely on our own perspective with no regard to how and why the other feels and acts as they do.  Empathy can improve any relationship we are in.  It makes us a better parent to look at the world through our child’s eyes rather than our own, a better friend, a better boss and leader, and a better helper both personally and professionally; I know my kids certainly like teachers better who try to relate to them and their classmates.  Henry David Thoreau questioned, “Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?”

Life Application:

Today, go into the world with a new perspective; don’t judge and be quick to take offense, but rather seek to understand, relate to, and connect with those you encounter throughout the day…that is how peace begins in any area of our life.  Remember that everyone is dealing with something, maybe even dealing with that something poorly because they haven’t learned to deal with it any other way yet.  Be the light!  Tomorrow, wake up and recommit to approaching life this same way.